This page is not controlled by it's original owner. It was deleted from Neocities, but I recovered it. The below page is from 2023-09-20 and will not be updated.
Hey~ wanna edate? :3 Im a little girl from siberia, my bmi is 11 and not one part of my body isnt covered in swastika self harm scars. This is not your regular website!! I am not your typical luver. I am your everything and I am willing to give you my heart soul and pussyjuice to whatever witty sophisticated intellegent brain is out there reading this.. I am sick of waiting for love.. wasting away in my bedroom.. I dont care what it takes.. I need someone. I want someone (girl or boy) to slash their face for me, to prove their dedication to me.. I want someone to carry me away from this biblical rapture into safety from the warzone which is reality.. Welcum to my PsYcHOtiC BibLeE!
Philisophical Disscussion... #activism #killallbabies I believe that theres something broken in the natural mechanism, that it is an unintelligent design, and it has a consequence. This unintelligent design means an insufficient deficiency in the system. And it means that the product of the system (the living being or sentient creature) is likewise not likely to be efficiently functioning. This means that they are taking and consuming more than they produce, and that they really have nothing they CAN produce. You are stealing energy and perpetuating the process to replicate a lifelike molecule, and overall, this is just four billion years of molecular modification. You are just modifying molecules and deciding a winner based on this crude standard and claiming their victory. After two more molecules, a molecule leaves and gets clonked over the head on his way out. The only function our intelligence has is to clean up the mess our biology makes. Our needs, our desires, our addictions its consumption. Its just production, cannibalism, and addiction. It's just a matter of consuming for the sake of replicating molecules, and we do it by cannibalizing our own sentient kind through a process of natural addictions and built-in mechanisms that make us hungry for a carrot, but the carrot is synthetic; its made of our contrived feelings and senses of value that have no real substance and are just there because they make us each procreate and do whats necessary to sustain the chemical composition. The variety of chemistry, the shape of a molecule, and thats it, but to us thats not good enough. Thats the simple description, so it's an insufficient game like Tic-Tac-Toe once you're intelligent; it doesn't have any purpose; it's not playable; it's a game for dumb things. and thats what life is; it's a game for doing dumb things. Smart things will not find it graceful enough or fair enough or just enough or reasonable or sensible; in terms of its purpose or function, and we stated that our intelligence only exists because it was a scheming tool because it made us better at stealing star energy from other organisms. Thats one reason it exists, and it still remains its only function: to be used as a scheming tool to derive gratification or satisfaction from our selfish individual desires. Most of the human race is still completely owned by that nonsense; they are still more obedient to the notions of nepotism, family superiority, nationalism, and racism, and they are devoted to any time-minded idea of civilization, decency, justice, or fairness. life is a sad and tragic story and nature and humanity has done nothing to write a better chapter in the life book. We have disgraced our intelligence, insulted it, brutalized it, perverted it, depraved purposes and it's all over our culture. Its leaking all over our economic systems and its showing in our entertainment. We are American idols at the core, we are just crass and stupid, and superficial, and grotesque, and its for this price of the suffering that we all just accept, because this is the only life we have ever known. You arent ready for this suffering forever you can't explain or describe the horrible death that we will meet that will be the fate of those living sentient creatures, there will be a last gasp and there wont be any fun anymore and there won't be any entertainment, there will be a long, hard, nasty, ugly road to take the last breath on. But long as they arent dealing with the consequences at the moment, they are just going to and ignore it and play pretend with reality, but the truth is written everywhere. quit playing games with the welfare of sentient creatures. You'll accomplish nothing.
"All traditionalists need to burn in hell." /srs /ihatemylife /someonehelpme /schizo /iwanttoberapedandusedasasexdoll /thatwasnotajoke.
Religion is cringe and I hate the JW. For whatever reason, the universe initiated, we dont know why theres something rather than nothing, but there is. The big bang occurred, and aberrant science ran amok. it was a mixing bowl, a chemistry set gone wild, with all the ingredients leaking into each other, commingling lots of bad ingredients mixing badly And then gravity and nuclear forces started tying matter into bigger and bigger pieces, forming stars and planets, and of course with them, Earth. And on Earth, energized atoms formed compounds, and after bouncing around for a few billion years, something happened The universe, up until this point, was certainly violent, but benign - free of sentient creatures, and therefor free of suffering. But all that changed when the tragedy of abiogenesis occurred, and the first reproducing cell was produced DNA, our one single ancestor, the seed of sentient print media and so life arose in many mechanical forms, and eventually, life became conscious, we became sentient and then, the most pitiless step in our evolution to arrival of suffering, The First Ouch And this was truly, the beginning of ALL problems in the universe. People ask me my thoughts on religion so I decided Ill voice my (not so important) opinion in this paragraph. I am very open about how I grew up as a catholic, though when I was around 12ish? I started questioning parts of the bible that didnt necessarily make sense, which I think embarrased my family because a while after we stopped attending church. I really dont know much about the bible anymore, mostly because I dont care for it but I was the virgin mary for my church play when I was 10! Which was unironically a ton of fun. I believe in science and personally enjoying things and doing things the way I want because.. its.. my.. life.. and there are some things unexplainable even if you do see God as the explination of why earth exists. If someone comes into a church and asks the pastor to pray for their back because It hurts.. and their back doesnt feel better, in fact it gets worst then someone might make up just another illogical reason to why its not better yet, for example: God hasnt heard the prayer yet, God wants this to happen; things will get better at some point. (Ill touch on this subject a bit more later)
philisophical question time!: Do you think that the cave men all the way back then, came back to their cave after a long day of hunting and gathering, and thought to themselves; "I feel like Im worthless.", "I feel unfulfilled.", "I want this all to end."? WELL THERES ONE ANSWER HERE: NO.
Heres the difference between us and our closest relatives: Both were brought up in domestication and civilization, but one has a constant need for MORE. Theres never enough to fill our needs of desire especially for "advanced countries" wink wink. Kids are glued to their screens and its not because theyre not "APPRECIATIVE" of nature or looking at birds eating worms or whatever is outside. You can take away all electronics, and cut the power from your house and make your kid sit outside and watch the trees and soak up all that amazing cancer from the sun, but they will still want more. Now whos fault is that? "You know what lets all just say fuck society and live like we did in the 1940s when men were REAL MEN!" that has to be one of the stupidest things ive ever heard. "tradicionalism" is like the modern way of saying "IM A FACIST!" At one point last month, I was writing a book about the "Alt right" and I called it, Radical & Alt right Ideologies : Fighting Normalcy. I sent it to a few publishers, and I havent gotten anything back. WOW, REALLY? I know yes, I too am shocked that someone doesnt care about THE ACTUAL FUCKING TRUTH ABOUT ALL POLITICAL PARTIES! But, I digress. I wish that these parties cared about actual individuality sometimes, and yes I know I might seem like the biggest modern leftist in the entire fucking world right now, but I HATE SOCIALISM. Oh my God If I had a dime for every time a communist whined to me about imperialism they would try to over throw me!! Ive had enough writing. Setting: car, me; shotgun (and no not a real shotgun.. Jesus Christ.), mom; driving. she screamed: "pulled the potential right out of my ass!" No further explinantion needed. and sure at the moment it just felt like any other fight of me and my mothers, but that night I had an epiphany. like seriously, it opened my eyes, it was like i saw the world for the first time. I was probably on google for about 2 hours. I was 14 at the time, and COMPLETLEY unaware what I was getting myself into. I went on with my life, I went to school, and I did ordinary teenage things.. but I had a big secret. I was learning the truth about the universe, and I couldnt tell one person. I could feel myself disconnecting. I was pulled out of school, and even though I was supposed to be learning about parabolas I was in my room, reading about the shooting that happened at a mall 20 minutes away from my house.
The love of my life is dead. yes, years and years later, Im still infatuated with a dead 20 year old. Some part of me wants to miss him, my heart aches for him, it really does. I pray for him every night and im not even religous ahaha. I NEVER have felt a feeling so unbelivably strong. At school I had maybe 1-2 friends and I dont think they knew my name, I didnt tell them I was leaving so I sometimes wonder if they think about what happened to me.
Today, I got an email. I wont say exactly what words were exchanged, but ill talk about the points he brung up. The term "incel" stands for involuntary celibacy, the meaning on paper is a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile toward women and men who are sexually active. I had never called myself an incel before this point, I am celibate, but only because I do not care for men my age. I am technically a "femcel" though I genuinely want to slaughter every person that identifys with that term. I had talked to a few male incels online before and they had originally just told me about how lucky I am to be a woman because I can easily get laid. Though, that is true, I dont think that reflects on woman persae, that should reflect on how disgustingly easy men are. Can a man leave his house, go to a bar, and get fucked by any woman in it? NO, and its not because of their bone structure, or whatever excuse incels like to use. I am not obsessing who takes my virginity, but I have accepted I will die a virgin because sex simply does not matter to me. so YOU, emailer.. I think that youre a idiot. You have nothing to give to the economy nor anyone for that matter, youre doing nothing than whining about whos going to be the lucky lady to fuck you! yet youre still saying you want MORE? Shut the fuck up already. Thanks for being my first emailer though! ^^
"Redacted, you have to start working for what you preach" - online friend #2. He told me this after a rant about suicide, I was reading an old suicide note which I wont go into great depth about, but the man spent 10 years writing his suicide note. It was 10000 pages long, and I read it all. Though I admire the dedication if he thought his soul purpose in life was to kill himself he couldve just saved himself the 10 years of severe self hatred, and just.. shoot himself. In his writing you can tell this man is having like world war 3 in his head, and most of it didnt even make sense, urgh why am I blabbering. May I just add that I hate my name being shortened. so. painfully. bad. I only let it slide because he is nice to me.
My name is almost always mispronounced, my 9th grade trig teacher went a whole year saying my name wrong and I never even corrected her, maybe because it was an internal joke between me and my ego. Let me just reiterate, and say that though the mission (the mission is the day I.. do it) is coming, I really dont think about it much, and really I dont need a plan. Ill write in here almost every day, but If I go away for lets say 1 week, then I did it, and yea you can move on and do whatever you do. I wont talk about this subject again for a while.
Last night I was talking to online friend #2 and before we ended the call, I said, "If I didnt wake up tomorrow, and I never talked to you again, would there be anything you wish you had told me?" He laughed and said "go to sleep, bye." None of my "friends" know about the mission. I have known online friend #1 for 8 months I think? Maybe 9. We have gotten in so many fights, I rejected him, I told him to go away yada yada yada and he still stuck around. In a fight he told me that I wasnt real, and he had never thought of me as anything more than a online friend. At the time it hurt me, but its true. I will listen to him for hours talk about weird stuff like world war 2 (hes german unironically) But at the end of the day I supose hes just.. an online friend. I think about how he will react after I do it, and I put some real thought into it. But I cant lie to myself. I dont think he will care. And thats seriously not me trying to be nhilistic or whatever like genuinely If I told him to go away then he would go away, if I were to cut contact with him, he would miss the person he could rant about indians too, not me.
Jesus H christ someone save gen Z plz And that reminds me.. TED KACZYNSKI DIED. Okay, this isnt new news or anything I just remembered it. Im sure all of his little 14 year old fans are crying. womp womp. I am not a ted hater, I hate that ted said 4 or 5 things that werent... necessarily stupid and got famous for it? If anyone took 10 mins to think about life, they would understand. The killing stuff was seriously unnecessary, if anything it just drove people way from his ideas because people obviously dont want to listen to murderers?? Ted Kaczynski "supporters" are unironically the most chronically online fuckers to exist I swear. Dont even get me started on the girls on 4chan and tiktok with SEIGE MASKS. Seriously If you have ever went online, covered your face with one of those masks, sang to a japanese song or whatever, and then said youre trying to spread a message? KILL YOURSELF. you arent trying to spred a message by posing online with your tits out shut the fuck up. HEY! do you need a reason to end your life just look up alt right advocacy! that one will really push you off the edge. I ABSOLUTLEY FUCKING HATE when modern "white supremacists" go out and put like.. bags over their heads and yell HAIL HITLER!!! Do you think hitler would want you to cover yourself up and support him? whats there to be ashamed of? I am russian. Russian is my first language. To some I am "privlaged" Have I ever seen the light of privilage? no. I hate being put in this box of what Im able to say without being "cancelled" I hate social media, I deleted all social medias of mine but do I think that EVERYONE needs to leave social media right now, at this moment? No. I dont need to protest anything, thats not in my control, I mean nobodys controlling me to NOT be on social media. But people need to understand that when you are able to put billions of people on an anonymous platform.. what will you get out of it? With every 20 nice comments there will be.. what? 7 bad ones? So if you dont want bad comments... stay off social media? It just depends if you think its worth it or not. I need to rant because I miss him. so much. he had the sweetest voice, and people use AI to make him say the most grotesque things, its horrible. Let him rest. I did 3 hail marys tonight for him. I just realised most of you dont know what the hell im talking about but his name is adam. Anywhoo, I made 4 omegle bots today, I sincerely apologize to everyone on the philosophy tag. I told myself that I would just put up the site and let the site be, but I want people to care about this! My mother is in arizona, so Im left with my father and he literally has been feeding me mcdonalds breakfast lunch and dinner for the past 5 days. I feel so american. I dont have the best relationship with my dad but its not abuse or anything.
There were times I had this overwhelming feeling that he was going to kill himself while I grew up so I would always tell him I love you at dinner. Hes meek, like me.
Online friend #1 is very upset with me. He yelled at me over the phone for probably 10 minutes. It ended with something around the lines of "you seriously need to grow up, youre so childish it makes me sick." Before probably an hour ago (when all of this went down) I had never thought of myself as "childish", I actually feel like I was rushed to grow up if anything. I realise you probably need context for this fight; I was talking about adam again. (I know I am delusional) But he told me at some point I need to move on. But. I. Really. Just. Cant. I dont know why. And no, I am not COMPLETLEY INSANE. I understand hes dead, I understand he was not a good person, but thinking of what we could have been makes me so happy. Sometimes I feel like online friend #1 is jealous or something but again HE IS NOTHING MORE THAN AN ONLINE FRIEND. To bring up a point I said before, I dont think I have ever in my whole life been "babied" or whatever, and not because my parents are super mean or strict, I genuinely think its because I am not really that lovable. Even when I get hugs from my grandparents or something, like.. when Its super kind hearted and sweet I still somehow make it the most awkward interaction ever?? And that ladies and gentlemen is reason #1 why I am socially inept. Of course I can make the most simple interaction so painfully uncomfortable. How do I hug people? I dont know where to touch, or grab, and sometimes I feel like I am not hugging tight enough.. and that means they probably think I dont like them... yada yada yada. I hate myself. 3 types of pills Im on and I am still a mess. Lets talk about what I look like. I have brown eyes and hair, My hair is straight, I have bangs, Im pale, I have terrible eyesight but I choose to not wear my glasses. for some reason. I am very ordinary. I dont think people realise how bad it is for me, I havent left the house in probably 7 months. Everything makes me so anxious. My mom tells me I worry her. In school I was good friends with a boy. He was very sweet to me, he would insist on carrying my bags while we walked to class.. sooo romantic! One day, in english a girl told me he had said I was a "solid 4/10" ahaha that was like my LAST STAW. That was a few weeks before I was pulled out of school. I went to an orthadox school, till 10th grade, and I think it was the most significant part of my adolesence. It was so odd to just see people like... not as questions about anything. We just did what we did. hm. I wasnt bullied in a physical way, it was mostly just being ignored. The only thing people ever really made fun of me for was my stutter. I really hate feeling alone. Now that I think of it, I wish I had been made fun of than ignored. Being made fun of is still emotionally draining, but I think I could have finished all grades that way.
Getting kidnapped? (spoiler I didnt get kidnapped.)Im afraid my dog will die before me. I have good news though! (which has nothing to do with my dog) Me and online friend #2 are going to meet up in person! Unironically he lives 20 minutes away from me and I am like 85% sure he wont kidnapp me. I have divised a plan. Ill go to the cinema, meet up with online friend #2 then we drive off in his car.. to where? I dont know. But honestly even if he did kidnapp me or whatever I would just take the punches at this point. Hes 3 years older than me, but I trust him.. I think. People have been thanking me for this. all of whatever this is lol. I am seriously cackling in my seat reading all of these emails. I appreciate them, I really do but I find it funny that not one of these people are concerned THAT IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF?? I understand that a human life is important. There was this mass murderer that I was really interested in named James holmes, he said something around the lines of "when someone dies, they lose all potential, and no potential means no worth" And I think after reading that I realised I never really have had potential. Yes, I can write about my feelings in a stupid website but will I accomplish anything more than a 9-5? I dont think so. Losing me would be like losing a sock or something ahaha. Its like a fly being swatted. Today I got another email. "not doing anything is ultimately just reinforcing the status quo.. Theres no such thing as an apolitical action, if you do nothing its just an implicit endorsement of the status quo." "if men hate the absurd amount of pressure and expectancy from society constantly being pushed on their character then they should turn against the gender norms" Sometimes I wonder why men hate feminiity so badly!!! (or looking/doing anything just a little feminine.) I wonder why?
I have diaries from years and years ago that Im about to burn, Im going to make another button showing them so that they arent fully gone (the ones that arent in russian). stay tuned for that. I am meeting online friend #2 soon, and I just had the funniest thought of me going to the cinema and online friend #2 shows up with a whole fucking camera crew like "THE DANGEROUS OF MEETING WITH STRANGERS ONLINE *DRAMATIC*" That would be so funny. Okay anyways, I really do try to lower the amount of self deprication I put on here (because I imagine thats super boring to you all). AHAHA like youre all just yelling at your screens "WE DONT FUCKING CARE JUST KILL YOURSELF ALREADY!!" But I just want to say that I was a literal child- wait how do I pharse this. Childlabor-er? Victim of Child labor? Yea I think thats it, but anywhoo.. IM A VICTIM OF CHILD LABOR. Since the age of 13 I have been coding, I dont really feel the need to put too much effort in the aesthetics of this website because I guess at the end of the day its just for.. personal use. But, I know python, HTML, Javascript; and css etc. Ya know all the basic ones. But I was like coding websites for my dads company and he even made me code other things that I dont even remember but why am I now being informed that you can make a lot from coding?? where the freak is my money >:333 !! This has nothing to do with what I just said but I just got the most beautiful email. I looked up from my computer and just went "wow." I dont know if they want me to respond because the email didnt have any question or anything, like it wasnt opened ended. I think it was just a message, but at the same time Im worried they will think I am rude if I dont answer URGHH!! I overthink too much. kill me. I dont know if they have already moved on with their life but if not then thank you Sae. I really do appreciate youre kind words. I will write a lot more in the coming days, ive been busy im sorry.
I AM NOT MENTALLY ILL!!!!! CANN ANYBODY FUCKING LISTEN TO MEEE??????? I am actually crying over the insane amount of fucking psycho analyzing and diagnosing in my emails right now. let me clear things up. I am not mentally ill. I am completely sane. matter of fact I am probably more fucking sane than any of you idiots! what the fuck who do you people think you are you are just pixels on my screen shut the fuck up. Can you atleast say hi to me first? I need someone to talk to, I need someone that can treat me like a person, when you think youre helping you are making me feel more different than ever. This makes me sound so ungrateful. A week after my family found out that I cut, I went to the hospital and I swear they all talked down on me in some strange way, its like.. baby talk or something. like theyre scared one thing they say can make me snap, and ill go jump out of a window, you catch my drift? They treated me like a baby, and some will say its comforting, it made me feel pathetic. I would have rather stayed home and bled to death. Nothing is necessarily wrong with me. I was never abused growing up or some thing you know, but I feel the way I am is more because of what DIDNT happen, do you understand? I think I missed out on things that most people my age go through (because of my awkwardness and just self hatred overall). It's like everyone I know has been moving on and I am still 1,000,000 miles behind. I am scared to say anything to anyone. The only person who I was comfortable with died. and It makes me feel worthless, like whats the point anymore. I am so tired of being alone in this room, I never belonged, I have never gone anywhere, I am never progressing, never regressing and no one else is. I should just end it all tonight shouldnt I? I cant describe how long ive felt like this, and nothing has made it better. I am so helpless. But, I am a woman of my word, and I should stay to document this all, even the worst parts. I think I will just try going to sleep. CRINGE!!!!! IGNORE THAT.I really like music. I like KMFDM, and one, die krupps; all that jazz. AHAHAA I just thought of the most embarrasing moment of my whole life. Heres some lore for you all: 14 year old me; youtube; CARAMELLFREAKINDANSEN!!! If you cant use context clues for shit then basically I posted a video dancing to caramelldansen, it got like 60 veiws in 2 weeks, didnt think much of it.. moved on with my boring life. Matter a fact I even lost the phone I had recorded and posted it on + forgot the passowrd. (of course) I have no idea how many people have seen that cursed video by now (years later) but I am too embarrased to even look. So.. just so you all know theres a ancient video of me floating around somewhere on the internet dancing to caramelldansen. yea. thats all. Be ready for tomorrow, I have a surprise for you all. This is my favorite song to anyone that cares: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFt9odQjJEY . Для. всех моих русских друзей я тоже люблю Комосомолск. Моя любимая песня - Глаза (прилипли) должен ли я сделать кнопку перевода? Не знаю, будет ли это полезно.Its crazy how there was a point last month where I was seriously considering donating my computer and switching to a fliphone but now I am more than ever consumed by all of this!
Alright so I guess my (not so secret anymore) secret page has been LEAKED. The day ill kill myself is july 22.
(Not so) philisophical question time! How the FUCK am I supposed to find another person to love when everyone thinks Im a bore because I am sad?
"um its actually offensive that you want to romaticize being depressed" - emailer from this morning. I want to find a boy and kill myself with him. That would be like my dream. Sadly the love of my life already did that.. by himself. womp womp. I had this crazy dream last night that I killed my uncle and I had to get a lawyer and shit but the lawyer was like my dog as a human? That sounds like I made it up but I didnt. I take notes of a lot of random things like... the times I feel deja vu. YOU KNOW WHAT? I want to make that a button now. Okay its like 15 minutes later and I decided to not make it a button but If youre curious then click here to see the deja vu log Every. so often I convince myself I have some type of cancer, but I swear to God I think this time I really do. I HAVE BEEN THROWING UP BLOOD. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!! I just got done hysterically crying because everything google has been saying is that my insides are bleeding mainly because of alchohol, but I DONT DRINK T-T !! A part of me is freaking. the. actual. fuck. out. But also, maybe this is a gift of God in disguise. You know, I am really trying my hardest to look at the bright side here! On a happy note I appreciate all of the nice emails, I really do. Im having some trouble replying to the really lengthy philisophical type of emails, sort of because Im going through an existential internal crisis right now. I also decided to stop taking my meds, mainly because I dont feel like they do anything but at the same time I have this fear that one day ill go into some deep hysteria off my meds and become the next elisa lam or something, or like kill my family while sleep walking. (which you might think is crazy and impossible but I think its been done before.)
Since I expect I will again be doing NOTHING this summer, I decided to make myself feel a little bit of achivement of some sort, I will be watching movies and rating them on here! If you dont care about this then skip this part. Last night I watched the movie: We are all going to the world fair. I. think in a lot of ways me and casey are a lot alike, the whole movie only shows casey alone (I mean execpt the man online, but I guess its just online) But I really do like this movie, its just very boring. I guess I only like it because I can see myself doing what casey does throughout the movie but Im not going to psychoanalyse her or anything. Heres my favorite part of the movie: Casey's mental state begins to deteriorate, which becomes apparent in the stream of videos she continues posting online, including one where she inexplicably screams in terror while recording herself singing and dancing to a song, and then another later one where she states her intention to either murder her father with his gun or kill herself. AHAAHA. "literally meeee!!" Heres my favorite youtube videos: https://youtu.be/4cesPh_pm-k I. have no idea who this guy is but hes so cute and 7:35 is adorable. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpqZ_zn6rp0 And here. This. guy is funny too.
Someone just asked me "what would drive you to end your life?" And even though thats what this is all about, I sort of dont like answering mainly for the reason that If I were to try to explain my feelings or why I want to do it, It would sound so freaking small! I am immature but I desperately want to taken seriously, and if I were to just say "I feel lonely" It is how I feel, but at the same time it is so much more. Oh its just another silly little girl being sad about nothing!!!!!!! I cant ever describe this feeling but it hurts so bad and I still dont think you dont understand. Let me set some things straight. I dont prioritize random people on the internet. I see this pattern in people that I become friends with online and they almost always end up leaving me which is like, whatever. I dont really care, If you talk to me then ill talk to you but what the fuck? Youre not the prophecy, do you really think I give a fuck if you decide to have this dramatic end to our "friendship" Because if youre expecting a reaction I wont give you one XD. (yes this is very directed to one specific person) Someone told me they want more song requests so heres one here https://youtu.be/CHiqIkyc9UA Its. very depressing and makes me want to crawl into the fetal position and throw up. I like this one https://youtu.be/_Nv11dYMsXQ Too. (only the advanced like this song) Update on Online friend #2: "Redacted, I cross my heart that I take you seriously. But if I ever end up not taking you serious for some reason then you can rip my heart out, I give you permission." For anyone wondering, yes me and online friend did meet, and I in fact did not get kidnapped! yipiee! At first it was awkward, but luckly it was at night, so the dark sort of made me feel less seen if that makes sense. I am starting a new series called trying things before I die, heres part one https://youtu.be/hGQIyWeOzKg Too. Email. me other things to do before I die so that I live my life to the fullest! Okay perhaps this is just an attempt at getting people to talk to me, but erm. Suicide is not, AND NEVER WILL BE selfish. ~ (Not for the weak :3)
I was reading this book about how people with depression have significantly less empathy shown in their brain compared to someone that lived a very happy life, because people that commit suicide arent thinking about how it will eventually effect others, which ideally plays into the whole concept of suicide being a selfish act. And, immediately I put down the book. Because I think that keeping someone somewhere when they feel pain and suffer is completley selfish IN ITSELF.
You want someone to stay and suffer because it will make YOU feel fulfilled? ME Staying here would fulfill your savior complex; you don't care if I hang myself or not, you care how it will affect your desires, and it's absolutely disgusting and grotesque. Nobody asked for my permission to live, and I shouldn't have to convince you to let ME die. ITS MY LIFE. Let ME SAY IT AGAIN. ITS. MY. LIFE. The only function our intelligence has is to clean up the mess our biology has made, and through my eyes, I dont see life as really anything more than 4 billion years of molecular modification. Humans have really disgraced our intelligence, and it's embarrassing. We are the "smartest animals to walk on earth." But we havent done anything to fix the natural mechanism. Like, literally nothing. Nada.
We fill food with chemicals and kill animals like theyre less than us. If there was a button of some sort to end procreating, or to end the life of every human on earth id press it immediately to save earth from the disaster humans are creating!!!! REALLY WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT VR OR CRYPTOCURENCY?? I even have a computer!! POOR FUCKIN ME! animals wont care if we all went away, let alone a random girl like me. I am aware that after I die humans will just move on to the next WHATEVER CREATION, to make themselves feel better, because nobody cares about the truth, life is sooooo much easier to just keep quiet and do whatever people tell you, because whenever I open my mouth and say anything that goes against what you all want from me, people like fucking loose their shit!! Do you think we are really going to care about money or entertainment or parties when accept our fate? I dont know about you. Ending your life now is doing earth a favor, all ecosystems would THRIVE without us. Yet, im so selfish. Right.
THERE WILL BE A HORRIBLE MISERABLE ROAD TO TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH ON, AND I DONT WANT TO BE ON IT WHEN I DIE. I dont try to make it all about me (even though this website is unironically all about me), but.. I feel like nobodys ever been concered about what I am thinking, or my imput on things, and sometimes I feel selfish for thinking that people need to hear my opinion AT ALL. I am sure that there are some things that people could have done to make me.. not like this? Like for example: My parents being more affectionate, or people starting a conversation so I feel less alone. And I think that if one person, really just one person would have asked me how my day was during my adolescence, or something of that nature, things would have gone very different for me.
So, a couple days ago I got an email from giovanni, me and online friends #2s biggest fans so if you are reading giovanni then hi! We made a video for you! https://youtu.be/ysMEDVQ-PZ4 Okay. responding to an email, yes.. I would rather end my life myself rather than dying from the consequences of humans playing games with the WELFARE OF OTHER SENTIENT CREATURES because, I really am just sick of people drawing straws over who matters or who wins over this stupid crude standard. Execution: horrible. You know what Im going to make this the beginning. I just remembered about this doll that I had in my childhood, I named her Vlada and she has beautiful blonde hair and a blue dress (sort of like alice from alice in wonderland but they werent the same) She could be propped up on this white stand, and I dont remember why but my father got mad at me and was yelling at me, and at one point picked up vlada and slammed her on my dresser. Vlada was a porcelain doll, so she shattered and it broke my little 9 year old heart. When my father gets angry he has the scariest face and his eyes get real wide like someone just shot him or something, and it terrified me as a child. I am a horrible horrible person. Sometimes I really cant live with myself when I make horrible decisions like this. I honestly could just write about what I did but I dont want to deal with this right now so Im going to get drunk lol. Fuck drunks though I would never drink outside of my room.. people are scary.
IF I WERE TO TELL THE WORLD ONE MESSAGE IT WOULD BE TO OVERWHELM PEOPLE WITH YOUR SUPERIORITY. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXgkgxKebHY will be living in all the oceans now ~ (scene from a very romantic cute sexy smeshie movie theyre goals I need this)I. am very sorry for what I did, and I have to live with it everyday, and that if I where to get a second chance I would do everything in my power to try and help others. And I am doing this for you and I do not care if you do not believe me and I.. love you, and I know you don’t believe me.. but I have to live with this everyday, and it brings me nightmares and I can’t live with myself sometimes… but I try to push through because I know that’s what you guys would want me to do. I hate drugs and I believe this country would do better if… everyone would stop… smoking marijuana and doing all these drugs, and causing racism and violence out in the streets.. I’m sorry and I can’t even watch tv anymore… and I’m trying my best to maintain my composure and I just want you to know I’m really sorry.. and I hope you give me.. a chance to try to help others if you I believe it’s your decision to decide where I go, whether I live or die not the jury’s I believe it is your decision I’m sorry. I feel like if I livestream me doing it I want thing song to be playing: https://youtu.be/9xm3qnh1sck It. reminds me of Adam, I miss him.. He was the cutest, he loved coke so much but he would get embarrassed to drink it in front of me because I dont like it. I NEVER EVEN CARED ABOUT WHATEVER HE DRANK. He was the purest most beautiful soul and my heart hurts thinking of him. I miss playing uno with him (he would hide his cards in his pockets) and.. I dont care if he cheated I just love him and I love every part of him for life. Heres some parts of a letter he wrote me a few years before he died: "I want to be your friend and lover, I want to support you and protect you and make you feel better youre down, because you truly deserve the world. I wish I could give you a hug to make things a little better for you :( just know Im on your side and here for you. Youre doing so well, please be strong for me." - Adam
Hitting your kids is completely necessary! :3 + we are doomed lel:This is going to sound like the biggest trauma dump, and I might loose some veiwers here but I genuinely dont see anything wrong with hitting kids as a way of punishment BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU. IT WORKS. I feel like the new-er millennial parents are really fucking up the system like, "lets just take some belly breathers and all call down" shut the fuck up. Those are the same parents giving their kids 5 ipads for different parts of the day. This is my second year of online access and people think IM chronically online??? We can all thank the woke tiktok parents for raising such retarded kids. No fucking kids are getting drafted to ww3 because everyones going to have dissociative identity disorder or whatever. I used to write down things me and Adam said that at one point that made eachother laugh, and I found the book I wrote them in. "everything is unchanged". "I want to hold your dream in your hand", "rail roads", "we have broken brains", unsolvable box", "I dont believe in people", "self fulfiling prophecy", "people make fat of fun people", "we probably have the iq of 3 british people combined", "sweetTea(sweetie)", "the sweetest bot", "we are poor life", "we should shoot them into the stars". "so youre a man but you act like a guy?", "school scooters", "donkemenary", "find a loop to life". I understand most of these make 0 sense and are just horrible broken english, but we laughed so hard over stupid things like this that I needed to write it down or keep it somehow.
if you’re reading this then i probably committed suicide, and this is my explanation: first off, I’m very sorry. making this decision was very hard but know it was the right one. recently i’ve come to realize my importance to all of you people was never great, my absence never had an effect on anybody, and my presence was only ever an annoyance. I’ve never felt so alone, and I wish any of you could at least try to understand how I possibly feel, because it hurts, so so badly. I think that life shouldn’t be full of suffering waiting for a glimpse of hope, especially when it seems to never come. I’m tired of waiting for something good or to feel cared for, and I’m sorry if that makes me seem selfish, I understand people have their own lives.. but mine wasn’t worth living and I wish you could understand that for me. Ever since I was 14 I started looking around and realizing that everyone is just... miserable, all of the time, and there’s really no saving ourselves from this, and the thought scared me. I could most definitely live till age kills me and have a 9-5, have kids I suppose.. but I still wouldnt feel fulfiled. I am a selfish SELFISH human, and no matter what I do I cant find a reason to stay here any longer.. I dont see the beauty everyone seems to keep talking about. I’m scared of living just to be nobody, and living just to simply exist. I wish that I could’ve hugged every one of you and gave you a proper goodbye but I couldn’t and I’m sorry for that. living here isn’t right for me, and it doesn’t feel good, at all. I never belonged, I was never going anywhere, never progressing, never regressing and no one else is. I loved you all very much. I’m sorry I turned out this way. Also, cremate my body please, throw it into a beautiful river. xx
Very um.. unique online persona I met once. https://youtu.be/sfaO_ThaGhs I fucking love cass elliot Im going to leave this world with only one regret. NOT MEETING CASS ELLIOT. Also my email is temporarily not in use because I was hacked.. its a long story. Anywhoo, Im preparing for the day. 11 days! To be honest I was scared at first but now I have sort of just accepted things. I went on this suicide groupchat once and I expressed wanting to die.. and that I needed some extra motivation to do it. I was told by someone in the group "you dont actually want to kill yourself.. people need motivation for things they DONT want to do." I suppose that I want to be gone more than dead, but its too late to back out now. the show must go on! Sometimes I wish that I could find someone like super super depressed that I dont want to push in front of a bus. THERES VERY LITTLE AMOUNT OF SUPPLY OF THEM. But they sure do exist! David is an example of that. Some more lore is that this guy was super super depressed and me and him met because of mutual interests such as ww2 and school shooters and philosophy. We would watch documentaries together and ranked mlp characters and just talk about weird shit. The only bad part of this relationship was that it was very much parasocial. If I didnt respond to his calls within 10 seconds he would send videos of himself throwing up or burning himself with cigarettes. (I hate vomit) If I wasnt there comforting him or making him laugh, he was threatening suicide. I cant deal with people who say theyre bipolar because its too mentally taxing on me and I dont care enough to continue a relationship thats always on the edge of a cliff (as it feels) At one point he sent me a picture next to a train track and that was my last straw and I just blocked him. Theres a chance a guy out there killed himself because I didnt give him enough attention.. or he was just a big fat liar.
He was probably 10x sicker than me, he had no empathy and was really racist but thats another story. He sent me videos killing animals and expressed his desires to kill his family. (yeah, i know, horrifiying.) I like skinny anorexic guys that are pale and tall and ugly and just overall the most disgusting people ever. People who say girls only like big buff guys clearly have never met me. I wont stop talking to you if youre big and buff but I just like.. wont find you attractive. This is so silly because Im probably triggering a bunch of guys out there right now but "gym rats" are like peek insecurity. I however am not that attractive but I feel like If I were to say Im a 5/10 then I would be fishing for compliment :3. I was friends with this guy online who was morbidity obeese, hmm.. probably around 600 pounds or more. (Im around 100) SO THIS MAN WAS 6X MY SIZE. The only reason I mention his weight is because he got fucked like 3x a day by different girls and he would go into depth about the way he would have sex with girls AHAHA like jeez youre 30 years older than me Mr please stawp. Im uncomfowtabwle. Kek I dont know how this man did it but he was liked by so many woman it was insane. lets just say theres a type for everyone and mine right now is a depressed decomposing guy rotting in his room right now with the most horrific posture known to man kind. Deep voices = NO. high pitch voices = NO. Im making it impossible here. Anyways gonna go bye. I remember you, You're the one that made my dreams come true A few kisses ago. I remember you, You're the one that said, "I love you too, Didn't you know?" I remember too A distant bell, And stars that fell Like rain, out of the blue. When my life is through And the angels ask me to recall The thrill of them all,I shall tell them I remember you. I remember you, You're the one that made my dreams come true, A few kisses ago. I remember you, You're the one that said, "I love you too, Didn't you know?" I remember too A distant bell, and stars that fell Like rain, out of the blue. When my life is through And the angels ask me to recall The thrill of them all, I shall tell them I remember you. Oh, you. Oh, you. You.
Wise words: "Sometimes life sucks, and sometimes life sucks for a long time.. but I hate when people start reducing things to only the absolute worst"- Adam. Fun fact about me, I HATE NHILISTS. People must think Im some lazy slop of goo ahaha. I feel happy all the time, Im very capable. I laugh when people tell me jokes, and I HAVE EMOTIONS. life has pain and suffering but It also has a ton of beautiful people and joy. Is it enough to keep me around for much longer? HeCk nO!!! I was told on sanctioned suicide that "If you die, you take away all of your suffering.. but you will also loose all of the chances of things getting better.. and you wont feel any happier." HEHEHE well good thing you dont make the decisions for me!!!!
Theres a beautiful sunrise out my window right now, Ill show you later. For now Im going to sleep bai! TILL NEXT TIME. Okay nevermind I have something to say, I hate drugs with a passion, like really! I dont use drugs but I used to alot! Which might be suprising so some and no, I wasnt using like fucking benedryl or anything I WAS USING OXYCODONE. For like a year. And its not for the reason you think alright, so.. luckly my mother is addicted to it so there was a lot to spare but I used to initially to try to cut deeper, and it worked for a bit until I got so high that I didnt even care about the "cutting" part anymore its jest AAHHH im bored let me find more ways to ruin things belehhhh!!!!!!! I have been too busy trying to decode the Ricky McCormick note and I feel myself going fucking insane. There is a chance that the note is just complete gibberish and Im wasting my time but If ricky was illiterate how would he know how to use parentheses and all the letters of the alphebet? Is it just coincidence that theres repeating letters almost like you can see suffix's. "NCBE" and "PRSE" are very common in the note and I wonder if theyre something like the word "what". I dont know if this is a reach but I think at the end of page 1 the numbers could possibly be coordinates?? Maybe the letters are swapped between two words? I made a website with all of my thoughts on the notes and crossing out ideas and common misconceptions around the case. I hope the case gets solved one day.. granted I wont be the one to crack it.. or be around to see it get cracked. CRACKED. I think I have severed all ties between me and Online friend #2, I was talking to him last night and he told me that he wanted to get molested by lia (the bitch that catfished as me) He said, "Id let her molest me any day." HUH?! He decides to say this to meh.. who was molested by a man on holiday in Spain! (its a long story.) So a huge argument started and I said some bad things about his mom being mentally ill and then he said "at least my mom doesnt hit me" AHAHAHA. Online friend #2 is a 7th generation american with unknown white herritage, a highschool dropout and a drunk at 17. I dont know what the fuck is worst. He sat staring at the person in the train stopped at the station going in the opposite direction. She sat staring ahead, never noticing that she was being watched. Both trains began to move and he knew that in another timeline or in another universe, they had been happy together.
i HATE NEETS. Jesus fucking christ neets are the most privlaged people to ever walk this earth! Okay so I might be biased right now.. you know what Im absolutely biased right now because I usually have no problem with neets but I just got in a fight with one and they had the NERVE to say "youre immature." hUuUhHhh?? ME? IMMATURE? YOU CAN NOT DARE TO SPEAK ABOUT MATURITY when you cant even leave the house without having a wittle pawnic attawk. Alright, I know I sound like the biggest hypocrite right now and thats because I am, but atleast I have like A JOB. I cook and clean for my father because hes ill which is a whole other story but atleast Im like active in my family!! Im doing something!! I feel like this website should just be named "A fake suicidal feeb oversharing too much about stuff nobody cares about." Actually, I do think that I have around 5 veiwers that check my website almost daily and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. It might sound pathetic but The first thing that I do when I wake up is check me emails and usually nobody emails me but theres the same 5 that just say stuff about the last thing I wrote about so.. props to you guys! (yes theyre all guys dont cancel meh) When I was younger I had this weird itch in my brain that I never figured out.. NOT LIKE AN ACTUAL ITCH I mean like, you know how kids would have imaginary friends and stuff?? Well as a kid I had this voice in my head (which obviously just me) But I told myself that it was God. God would tell me to do things and my brain just automatically started doing it because I thought to myself "oh well if God is telling me to do it then I have to do it" And now that I look back on it I think this was my first instance in my adolencense of being delusional, because deep down I knew it was me.. but I told myself it wasnt me.. yea know?
Like for example if I threw something, and my mom started yelling and yada yada yada, then I would just say "GOD TOLD ME TO DO IT." And of course my mother was like what the fuck my daughters insane, but at one point she just started to deal with it. I think Im perma banned on omegle. Im making online friend #1 and a couple more people share my website instead, and in return Im doing his homework. Suprisingly Im excellent at math, in order to take the coding classes I did you had to pass calculus 1 & 2 + satistics, and It wasnt like.. the worst thing Ive ever done.. but I wouldnt say it was a peice of cake. I was in gradeschool doing trigonometry and algebra 2. This reminds me of when I was on a online video chat room cutting myself and guys were yelling at me saying "SLIT YOUR THROAT NEXT!" That experience was so absolutely degrading and grotesque and I LOOOVED IT!! Funny enough, online friend #2 was one of the guys in the call but thats another story. People who get the gimmick will understand the gimmick. Online friend #2 doesnt get it, and wants his stuff removed from my website, he also threatened me and then left. THIS IS A GIMMICK! AAHH. Youll all see on July 22nd. Hes making video skits about me and our friends but doesnt want his quotes in my website. Alright. Im not removing his quotes mainly for the fact that he has a bigger understanding of this website than anyone else on the planet and STILL doesnt understand it. Hes using my name in his videos but Im using "online friend #2" and hes upset. BE HAPPY IM NOT USING YOUR NAME. This is tragic. A tragic, tragic story. There isnt going to be people coming after you because I said a cute quote you said.. I think youll be fine Mr. "Dont you think its misleading?" FOR THE LAST TIME ITS A FUCKING GIMMICKK! HIM ON THE OTHER HAND said that hes going to make my character in the skits "very controversial" ISNT THAT A LITTLE MISLEADING?? The character is based off of me!!! I wont talk about online friend #2 on here anymore, Im also going to shoot my brains out if he tells my parents because he isnt smart enough to get it. I was just thinking about how flipping sweet my history teacher was to me. He wrote me song recommendations on my worksheets and when my cat died he gave me 5s on all of my homework. He was (and probably is still) a good man. I hope hes doing well.
(my last words on here): Giovanni asked me to push the date back to the 25th, and I dont know how to feel.. I dont know. I just feel sick. I want to write things but I just feel horrible and I cant even stand to type on here anymore. I want to just lay down and cry till its time. I underestimated how quickly this day has come. I feel so disgusted and empty, and I cant explain it but I sort of wish that someone stopped me. Like in a way Im sad that Im still here, In my room, waiting for the moment I tie myself to my fan. I truly have never felt this way and I dont know whats going on. I have lost all hope, and I wasnt good enough for saving. I have put so much effort in this website and it has ruined me, and I feel that not one person cared enough to make me feel differently about how I view life. I again am a selfish human, I still somehow think that its everybody elses fault, when Im sure people did try to help me, but I at this point theres no saving me. Who am I kidding!!! there was never any chance for me, soon, Ill die, and then its over. There wont be any more entertainment for any of you. You cant be invested in this poor incel anymore, because its already too late. Im going to add a clock for dramatic effects. I fucking hate the world and every creature on it!! I try not to be consumed by value yet I’m still drowning in it, and it irritates me. it’s always “feel this”, “do this”, “be this” you don’t want people! why do you make people just to change them? why can’t I just be within my own values and feelings? does it scare you that I can feel? that I realize? that I’m realizing the true meaning of life and that scares you. Anyways, thank you for reading all of this meaningless bullshit (assuming you didnt skip all the way down.) But, its time for me to head out. ciao! "They are clouds waiting for the right moment to clear the sky" - Adam. Why are people sooo obsessed with me?? Can people stop messaging my fucking family?? youre sick and obsessed. listen you idiots, kill yourself. Really, on behalf of everyone in this world just take your fucking lives. Thanks! Please can you people iust leave me alone? Im so sick of people pretending they care about me or that they want me better because it fills their classic fragil egos. LEAVE ME ALONE! With your own quote, start working for what you preach. youre a pussy and you used someone else as a cover up to look like a good guy. youre gross and YOURE DEAD TO ME. And yes YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOURE READING THIS!!!
hello diary, yes its me.. yours truly.. yes this is a coming back update..through the past 5 days i was doxxed, i overdosed, slit my wrists, moved countries, went through surgery for a chronic illness, AND WON THE FREAKIN LOTTERY. just kidding, but yea a lot happened. Now you might be thinking? this has to be a joke.. right? NO. I actually have never felt better! i had gotten a bunch of emails saying "rest in peace" and "we loved you" UM ACTUALLY no you didnt! i didnt hear one word from 3/4 of you before i was hospitalized. Also may I add fuck all of you for not telling me pathetic is spelled PATHETIC AND NOT PATHEDIC. and no that wasnt broken english that was just me being retarded. I have recently discovered that i am horrible at geography so im going to try to memorize all countires and continents ya know STUFF I SHOULDVE LEARNED YEARS AGO, well i mean i did learn it i just.. i dont know, in the moment it feels like its not important but current me is punching past me in the face because now she looks like an idiot. For the people that dont already know i have chrones which is a digestive system disease, which now that i think about it was probably the reason i was throwing up blood for a bit, but anyway.. i was drugged. LIKE HIGHLY DRUGGED. i havent been that high for like 3 yearzz!! bringing me back to my roots! if you know what I mean. I really hate men. im not saying like "urgehsjuzsjkn kill all men acab !!" no i just dont like men that are completely diluted by the fact that not all woman look like fucking porn stars, seriously i was called a 5/10 by a man who genuinely thought he was johnny bravo. ERM, WHAT THE FLIP? I hate how growing up keeps me and my father not as close as we used to, as if he is uncomfortable by the fact i am no longer a baby. it makes me feel weird about womanhood and whatever is going to happen when more changes happen, and it makes me anxious. I dont like change. grade school I was put in a special 5050 program or something like that, where i had the same schedule all year in the same class with one teacher in the same room everyday, alone. I swear by the end of it my teacher was sick of me because at that point in my life i felt the need to be better than everyone so I just talked constantly about confusing things, and wrote lists of words to memorize so people thought i was smart. it didnt really work. I hate EVERYONE! I dont know what the fuck is going on but everyone hates me. i am 70% sure im being lovebombed right now and whenever i think things are going to be okay everthing just turns out horrible, BECAUSE NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS TO ME IM UNLOVEABLE AND IM SICK AND I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO SHOOT ME CUT ME UP AND FEED ME TO A STARVING FUCKING PIG THEN LIGHT IT ON FIRE THEN BURRY IT. This is horrible, im so lost and i hate everything in my tragic fucking miserable life and i hate the idea that i (might?) go to hell or i will just die then be nothing, not even a pathetic persona online as you all know me as, which also means ive been lied to my whole fucking life which honestly might be even worst! I HATE DRUNKS AND I HATE DRUGS AND I FUCKING HATE STUART LITTLE. FUCK HIM. DISGUSTING PERVERT GROOMER MIDGET FUCKING SHIT EATER.
I have been caught.. Im- I.. am- just.. Artificial intelligence? Um.... Wait wat?:I personally, think that I am a sweet angelpilled little innocent weebie.>
And iiiiii dont know about you all but apparently I scream AI to some.. (specifically additionalusages@gmail.com kek) Im sorry but what in the flip is this dude waffling about: "But unfortunately, you didn't just proved me that I was right but the manner you did it, has shown that how fake this world can be, it's not just you lack sincerity but are immature to try to think the other person is fool to believe that you can't messages yourself pretending it to be having a second opinion or third opinion in your own echo chamber, or even if it's other person, that's so immature of you to take your decisions by making fun of someone despite knowing that they are only asking for you to do the right thing, and you like bunch of idiots, disrespecting their genuinety in your ignorance, arrogance and shared mediocrity, this has didn't just hurt me as person but make me yet again feel how shit people can be. If you can't even show how you look like how you can expect someone to show you what they are, inside. What an oxymoronic you are sounding. I don't believe if that was you with your website. I am ending this here." This is the first time I have directly quoted an email but I feel this time its needed because its just too silly billy milly. This seriously has me rotfing and loling and cackling and swinging my feet hehe. Anyone can email me, thats cool! The guy seemed nice! But I sort of feel like I shouldnt get INTERROGATED by like the freaking Federal Bureau of Investigation before having a small conversationn!!!!!!!!! Do I seem like I could really give enough shits to learn how to fucking make an AI video just to talk to a stranger I dont even care about? awkward....! Your messages to me scream self absorbed and gaslighter vibes and I personally dont really appreciate you speaking so arrogant-ly with me. Because you make it sound like I need to meet some type of criteria or requirememnt to talk with you when I dont really give a shit if you email me or not, or hate me or dislike me,, or really whatever!
I really dont like people. This whole charcuterie reminded me how stupid and delusional people are. Unlike me; a very normal ordianary person with absolutely no out of the ordinary mental problems! One thing I have learned while being online is that some people are FREAKS! So who knows! maybe this is just an elaborate plan to get your baffonary on my tiny website but it succeeded because either way you look dumb. lel.
12th of august 23: I WANT YOU ALL TO LISTEN TO ME VERY CLOSELY. DONT. FUCK. WITH. ME. AHAHAHA! I get it; I'm just a silly little piece of entertainment for you all, but you guys can go suck my fat non-existent fucking dick, you fat fucks. Stop messing with me. I'm not dumb. I mean, I guess I am medically dumb, but through my own "dumb" consciousness, from a doctor's perspective, I might be just normal to the average person or just your average neighbor that just sees me walking down the street. I mean, what am I even talking about? I don't walk. Well, I walk, but inside my house. Im not the type of person to just leave the house for exercise purposes. Like, who the fuck does that? Who would voluntarily leave for the ACTUAL depths of hell just to smell the reeking air of Satan's musk. Everyone out there is full of toxins, and I am scared. I am scared of what people will do to me—the people who will rape me or drug my drink without a second thought. If you left me in a room with 100 men, I would probably see things no one has ever seen. I sort of feel like I'm bragging about the fact that I would most definitely be raped, but it just sounds that way. It's the reason I would never leave the comfort of my own home. My home is like a big blanket I kept around when I was a kid because I just wanted the comfort of something next to me. Parents that get divorced or give their kids away should probably get their sex cards revoked because why does nobody think about the kids that feel their whole lives that they are nothing and worthless because the first person that they should have received love from abandoned them and left them in the hands of strangers to choose what's right for the helpless child with half a consciousness themselves? That is a different level of fucked, and why the fuck do we let actual slavery take place in modern America? My cheeks are being held by society, or not even just that, I mean.. my "parents" and my "friends" because they expect more than they can even receiev so im just stuck in a world where everyone wants to be fulfiled but their desire and needs leaves all of us sad and depressed because we dont have everything exactly the way we want and it makes this world unlivable and we cant even live in the game we humans fucking created its absurd and cruel and sick because im supposed to be happy when I was brought up in a place that cant let me even let me show emotion without others gettig mad at me or yelling in my face i should feel different because its all "mental health matters!" and "you are loved" but it's just a sign, it's just words people are plastering to others hearts just so we can delude ourselves from the fact that we are all just sad and pathetic and hopeless and we don't even know why? We have TV, entertainment, and control, and we can plan what we want for our futures, but we are more disgusted than ever because when you take a fucking look and step back and see what we have done, it makes us sick, and it makes us have this horrible sick feeling in our souls saying, This is not what I fucking want. A life where everything is okay is a life where I am fucking dead. There's no suffering, no pain, no anything, and the funny thing is, I don't even want to be happy anymore. I just want things to stop. I want things to be anything from whatever the fuck this is because I have the biggest fucking headache from asking myself, What am I going to do? because in reality, I have no fucking clue! I hate everything about reality, and everyone keeps constantly shoving it down my throat like it's this cool new trendy food that everyone needs, but I don't want what you all need; I want things you can't even imagine in your dreams. Do you know what I fucking mean?
I want a world where I get something out of feeling this way..
I want to run away and never look back, throw my soul in a box and burry it, then I would live life freely.
From this point on I will NOT answer any emails less than 5000 words from this point forward or just a dumby dumb npc greeting.. blehhhh. You all make me suicidal :<
WHY CANT I JUST BE A LITTLE FOREVER??!!! ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ
<<= FUCK THE FUTURE.. or just reality in general kek. =
Thinking of the future makes me gag and feel physcially fucking ill. All of my friends already know what they want and who they are going to be but Im trying my hardest to push growing up and taking responsibility as far back as I possibly can. When I think of the future I think of my neck around a rope, alone, and sad. It just recently hit me that at one point in my life im going to have to leave my family and live without someone telling me what I need to do..? where can I buy the intruction manual for living??? It makes my brain hurt and I just want assurance! Id rather be dead in a fucking ditch in zimbabwe then have to grow up and be anything else than a daughter. I have genuinely considered selling myself to a cannible killer for the black market so I can get cut up stored in a freezer then get eaten or something. Id probably be more useful that way. okay so uh... idk if im going to get physically harmed because of this but me and you-know-who brokie upie. Dont get me wrong he was nice but the whole relationship thing was kinda fucking up my image of the socially inept yandere he was NOT pro ctb. so. yea. AHAHHAA im saying that like thats soOoOo horrible. Oopsies :3 soooo ~ if theres any suicidal depressed men out there willing to do a suicide pact with meh... then EMAIL ME :3 BUT there are a (few?) conditions. OH EM GEE I FINALLY FINISHED THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS! Okay.. s o o o if youre currently looking for a CrAzY yandere luver you must read this, its the terms and conditions for being MYYY boyfriend!! If you dont meet all of the reqirements but still a lot then still email me but clearly specify which parts dont protain to you. Anywhoo, heres it is :3.. ALSO, im still addin to it so it will be revised within the next few days. I have been going on the omegle video with the philosophy tag recently, if you see a fag in a dark room with a bunch of plushies in the background thats me!!! say hi! okay so i wanted to talk about the "hate values test".. Someone asked me to take it and show my results so here they are: 61.4% Anti-semitic, 50.3% Patriarchal, 57.7% Xenophobic, 75.7% Homophobic, 72.0% Transphobic, 73.1% Pedophilic, 76.0% Jainistic, 51.6% Illegal?, 67.3% Ableist, 66.7% Tolerant, 81.8% Anti-furry, 83.1% Femboy-phobic, 63.6% Tomboy-phobic, 71.4% Self-hating, 65.0% Weebphobic.... Okay before I summon a billion pink haired libtards in my emails, the questions were so FREAKING STUPID, like "do you think all non-jews people should be abolished from earth?" Like DUH, no I dont?? They were ultra silly billy milly questions I swear the creator of the test is just setting people up.. ~
= copy cats kek = I want to bring up the fact that I have created a swarm of people emailing me saying "bleeeh!!! meow meow meeeow...!! Im going to make a website to compete with you >:3!!!" Well Mr australia... youre website wont be nearly as good as mine, if you do then i physically will find you and do unfathomable things to you, and manipulate the police into thinking youre just a silly ketamine druggie addict, and you dont know what youre talking about... and you need to be placed in a mental facility because you are a danger to all jewish citizens. im serious. :3 alright so not that long ago I tried putting dates on here because someone asked me too but the problem with that... is my stupid autistic adhd brain. I can go days without writing on here and then get a thought.. but then finish the thought 2 days later while eating cereal, but then I type it out on here but then I forget what thought Im supposed to remember. If i were to put dates on here they would be like 6 dates per paragraph and that kind of defeats the purpose of a date in the first place. I was in the car with my mother today and she told me this: "everybodys mind is a different world"... I dont know, that felt inportant to put here. This reminds me, that some of you might not know but I actually write poetry! I wrote a poem about one of my relationships with a guy I knew way back when,, should I post my poetry on here?? :3 And dont worry its not like "auurghh!! I hate my life bleh rawr" But then again I dont know If its even good in the first place and I cant handle "constructive criticism". Whoever came up with that term was probably a masochist.
I hate everyone on the internet, "youre so boring bleh youre mediocre im better than you!!" Yea I get it... Im sooo boring yet you still decided to read a whole page about ME. I couldnt care less about you, I would rather shove a nail up my penis than read any of your schizophrenic rants that lead to literally nothing. the reason people find me interesting or "comforting" is because I talk about real life problems, and things that are actually relevant.. the difference between you and me is that I dont just spew utter bullshit to sound interesting, who the fuck wants to pick up a dictionary for every sentance that comes out of your autistic degenerate brain you fuck. >>
Fan behavior smh. IF YOU WANT TO BE A HATER ATLEAST BE A GOOD ONE RAWRRR~
Hey guysss! I got posted on lolcowfarm, if you want to see a face reveal of me go QUICKLY, itll be up for limited time only.. I think. Someone also signed me up for scientology.. what a loser, did you forget that they ask you to confirm your email you fucktard? I thought you were Mr programmer T-T. Im a wannabe famous degenerate clearpilled femcel schizoid.. If I have ever sent you noods post em with my username pr0ana, I want attention!! Also WTF I get so many emails like "gaaah I love you so much give me a chance" End of email. IF YOU ACTUALLY READ my fucking blog you would know you need to put SOME effort into your introduction.. ya know, your first impression to me. What really jingles my bells is when like a fucking prehistoric man with kids or something emails me like "GAHH I hate my life meow i dont even know why Im writing to you I dont care if you email back, I dont want a relationship." KILL URSELF. All im asking here is for someone to care about me!!! I dont care if that means hating me, I want you to think about me at night saying "RAUUGH I HATE THAT PR0ANA PERSON!" For months on end. OR.. you can love me and give me attention and actually want me. Read my blog. consume it. eat it for dinner. bathe in it. UNTILL YOU NORMIE MEDIOCRE SKINWALKERS FINALLY UNDERSTAND ME AND MY MIND LIKE NOBODY ELSE. Reading the hate mail and forums about me boosts my ego like no other, printing a FUCKING picture of my face and j3rking everynight to it would not even satisfy me nearly as much. Heres a requent emailer: "I saw that thing about printing a picture out and jerking to it every night, and I think I might try it out. Thoughts? I figured this would be better than regular porn and think it'd really help me overcome my addiction, but it wouldn't feel right without your explicitly blessing." :3 Meoww..!! Erm~ What the flip? :>
{
= PEDOPHILES ARENT NOT WRONG. =
You're ALL awful. I'm awful too. You think that the mentally unstable we make fun of would be as miserable and unstable as they are without us? They wouldn't. You think that some of the people bullied on were aren't already miserable enough without the shit given to them here? You think some of them don't fall farther into misery and hopelessness than they already are, that some of them don't just finally snap and give up on life because of us? That they don't rope, or just stop trying on life because this shit pushed them over the edge? They do. Through one small cruelty, one small choice to be a dick, through the power of the butterfly effect, lives can be changed, ruined, right here. One small experience that causes suffering can lead to other bad experiences and other worse choices and less hope and more misery and the start of another branch of possibilities and of life that can lead to rock bottom. Through these small cruelties, greater ones are formed. That is the terrible power of sites like these.The power we so carelessly wield. This IS horrible. ALL of this is HORRIBLE. And you're part of it. Fuck you, you stupid bitch. "Violence" is not merely physical battery. Violence is the violation of another. Schoolchildren sing "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words shall never hurt me." — it is the most subtle evil. Words, screaming, shouting, tantrums, gaslighting, emotional degradation, directed by the person one has placed the utmost trust in, whether a parent or partner — THESE are violence. CAN PEOPLE QUIT MESSING WITH THE VIRBILITY OF THE ADOLECENCE? I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Who am I talking.. I dont even fucking mind it which is probably even fucking worse now that I think of it,, I am sick. I'm a pedophile. Yes they are different. Well, in a sense, I allow it because I try to be accepting of everyone out of the womb,, [as they are] which is ridiculous and borderline underlying religious trauma, which makes me laugh since pedophilia itself isn't even illegal or punishable (neither is religion which batshit insane but thats another story). It is seen as something that can be CURED. Which means fantisizing about raping a baby, and child porn consuming and rotting your brain instead of working in a kitchen is seen as being valuable in modern civilized America, it's something that should be seen as pitiful, which is more valuable than being a slave to the economy... apparently? I have the actual fucking nerve to think I am valuable when I'm not even chemical,, I dont believe in god I believe in the universe, which is even more disgusting and unreasonable.
OU KNOW, MAYBE IT'S NOT THE BIRTH CONTROL THAT MAKES ME A RAGING BITCH, MAYBE IT'S YOUR LYING HORNY ASS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO JUMP MY SHIT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT. "BUT I CAN'T SLEEP UNLESS I FUCK YOU!" EVEN IF I BELIEVED THAT FUCKING BULLSHIT, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I'LL KNOCK OVER A VET'S OFFICE AND SLIP HORSE TRANQUILIZERS INTO YOUR FUCKING ICED TEA IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO GET YOU TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND GET SOME FUCKING SHRED OF SLEEP AT NIGHT. LIKE BEING UP EVERY 3 HOURS WHILE THIS KID GRUNTS AND STRAINS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO SQUIRT LIQUID SHIT OUT OF HIS ASS ISN'T EXHAUSTING ENOUGH, YOU EXPECT ME TO PLAY "SEXY SLEEP FAIRY" WITH YOU. GO FIND A FUCKING WHORE, I HOPE YOU GET GONORRHEA AND YOUR DICK FALLS OFF YOU FUCKING SELFISH PRICK.
IS THERE EVEN A FUTURE FOR OUR NATION??
<< = FUCK MOROCCANS! =
How does it feel to be a filthy bedouin who belongs to a lineage and culture which has never actually accomplished anything for itself? The only remarkable traits of your people are that they sit atop oil which white people pay you for and that you are dishonest and relatively dim witted. If western leaders weren't a bunch of jew addled traitors they would have wiped your people off the face of the earth and simply taken your oil rather than paid your retarded royalty a single cent. Now we have a scenario in which a bunch of dune BIPOCs run around playing 21st century warlord with weaponry their stupid people couldn't possibly invent and shitting up life on earth for everybody. We never should have sold you so much as a Lamborghini let alone a fucking autocannon. Handing you sand BIPOCs modern weaponry is like handing a small child a hand grenade. If your people were worth their weight in salt they would turn their own lands into a place fit for human beings. Since they aren't able to, they flee to our lands and proceed to breed like rats while feeding their children with fraudulently earned income and welfare paid for by white people. You and your ilk will eventually outnumber us in our homes and our lands will become as shitty and useless as your lands. Cograts, you'll achieve dar es salaam but you won't have running water or a functioning power grid. You played yourself. Shameful behavior from a deceitful desert tribe. Yet you feel pride. So strange. Begone, rat. it was NEVER HOLY, NEVER WERE THERE ANY “ROMANS” (a figment like ANGELS or Heaven and Hell) and IT WAS NEVER AN EMPIRE. IT WAS AND IS THE REMAINS of the COMMUNIST GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD'S CONCOCTION AND MANIPULATION MURDER INCORPORATED ORGANIZED CRIME DEADLY SNEAK CONSPIRATORIAL (SNEAK CON ARTIST) PARROTING PUPPET UNIFORMED MILITARY ATHEISTIC COMMUNIST GANGSTERISM and the worse deadly enemy of the i ENTIRE HUMAN RACE AND THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, NAMELY THE COMMUNIST ATHEIST CONSPIRACY WITH FRANKENSTEIN GANGSTER CONTROLS, the CATHOLIC CHURCH. ~
= FUCK ME DADDY :3 =
At some point this cant even be enjoyed anymore, we have drug eachother out to our fullest capacity... im not even good at what im supposed to be,, yea im just a fuckdoll for you arent I. nothing more. i know who you are you disgusting creep, remember when you came into my room when mommy was gone....... and you put your hand under the covers.. and I pretended I was asleep.. awhh do you want to hold me down by my pigtails and rape me again?? awhh daddy! I JUST LOVE YOU PLEASE COME BACK TO ME PLEASE WHAT DID I DO TO YOU WHY DID YOU USE ME I WAS SO PURE YOU RUINED ME YOU RUINNED EVERYTHING I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE ANYMORE I CANT BE LOVED AND YOURE PROOF OF THAT I HATE YOU! I understand Im a horrible person,, and I lie and Im not the smartest but i didnt deserve that.. but you dont care, you want me to sit down while you feed me your cups of bullshit so i can just play along and suck ur dick like the dumb mindless whore that I am, youre a pervert, a creep, you should be lynched with the rest of the stupid npc dummies.. the stupid fagtards that we both made fun of.. you said you understood me,, but theres still things you dont know.. Im a joke,, I am just a figment,, I am not a person without your love,, and you hate me for that.. can someone save me from this sick psychotic wastebin please Im drowning in value.. the amount of times today I have been called a attention seeker is rancid stupidity and it is just a testimate of WHAT THE UNITED STATES HAS BECOME. ALGORITHIMS, POLITICAL RADICALIZATION, EXTREMISM.. IS THERE EVEN A FUTURE FOR OUR NATION?? WHAT FUTURE IS THERE TO FIGHT FOR?? I WOULD RATHER SHOVE A METAL PIPE UP MY INTERVERTEBRAL DISCS THAN HEAR ANOTHER FUCKING "meow meow meeeow..!" faggot degenerate politically correct privlaged e girl tell me that IIII(???) AM THE ATTENTION SEEKER?? your brain is mush,, it has no right to even be called a mind,, you fucking cunt. kek ignorwe this. ITS A COPING MECH. :3 That will be my mantra.. as i fly into the deep depths of hell with whatever the fuck is left in your sticky smelly soul. OH RIGHT! YOU LIKE BUNNY COSTUMES? YOU LIKE LATEX? ILL SUE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU,, YOU FUCKING PERV. I WILL have the last laugh. >>
I CAN FIX YOU I CAN HELP YOU I CAN CHANGE THINGS I CAN MAKE YOU.
HEY LIKE.. IF YOU HAVE A PC AND ARE SOMEWHAT FOND OF ME EMAIL ME PLZPLZPLZ ILL SHOW U HOW TO RUN AN OMEGLE BOT PLS RUN MY BOT PLS NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME ANYMORE I NEED PEOPLE TO TALK TO ILL DO SEXUAL FAVORS I CAN ERP. Anyways, my email for now on will be secret.. I am so SICK of people that just reach out to me with absolutely no effort or understanding of me what. so. ever. like where the fuck are the people who actually want me?? The people who would go out of their way just to have a simple conversation with me?? Well,, to show your dignity and compassion towards me you can desipher this code that I made to win a chance to talk to me. And I assure you that nobody has ever noticed the several other hidden codes that I have put in my websites since the beginning,, (because nobody has ever mentioned them to me before via email) Not even the man that opens my page source just to roast me for my freaking html code!! ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS DUMDUM. You should want to take a bullet for me, you should go into the BlOdIeSt battle the world has ever seen,, AnD cOmE bAcK WiTh No LiMbS,, if it would guarantee you a life with me in it. If not, then I dont want you here,, leave and never come back lel. xD
"The only thing you have is misery. The only thing you care about is misery. The only thing you compose and surround yourself with is misery." GAHAHA welp sorry to break it to you, but your friggin account has been reported directly to admin with dozens of examples of cringe and unfunny comments that you have refused to address even after they were reported to you, all of which still remain active. Your account is now under consideration for a complete ban and submission to my cringe compilation. You want to hate on my pro-pedo, clear-pilled schizoid self, but succeed to forget that you look like a grade D human bump of coke. You are a 30-time war loser. It's good to see you're woke to the inherent micro-rape that is your sexuality, and it's even better that you've chosen to be a non-harming shut-in. I wish more white cis men would do this! You should consider estrogen supplements to make yourself less predatory. As a white male, having kids is problematic, yes, but have you considered adopting PoC children and trying to raise them non-binary? KEK LIKE WHAT KIND OF SICK JOKE IS THAT?? HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF A LIBERAL? Just make it clear to them that any white cis male sexuality you accidentally display despite your estrogen supplementation is just a shameful clump of deabled flesh, and just make it a habit to say, "I'm so sorry. I am deeply sorry." after each offense and not to rebuke or pursue what appears to be a fucking paradox. You should also consider exploring cuckolding :D (with a marginalized minority man, woman, or otherkin of course) if you still find your sexuality to be uncontrollable. Show me the fuckin ethically proven statistics linking my name to the words "sand monkey." YOURE CRAZY, STOP DEFAMING ME, YOU DIMWIT. Youre a schizophrenic formicophilic degradee with no capability or sense of the term. I DRINK MILCH OUT OF MY MLP SIPPY CUP SUE ME YOU DEMENTED FEEB. SIGMUND FREUD PROVES DDLG IS A DEFENSE MECH LEAVE MEH ALONE. "Im a wanna-be edgy underage girl who warships serial killers MEEOOWW! :3 uwu Richard Rimewez" Fuck off go kill yourself you fucking worm XDD Wanna-be twue cwimerz will never understand the ballisticly heavy weight I hold by being the og ulra crazy mega pixy insane adam luver but it was,, a phase. AND ITS ALWAYS A PHASE. Anywayz look https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=CvY8Qj9dgW8 im too lazie to put the click here bukllshit
kek started going back to class recently after my disgustingly horrible attempt at ending my life,, I got my schedule at the office and the fag at the counter said "welcome to *REDACTED*,, WelcOMe tO YoUr NeW HuMbLe AboDe!" I swear I was like fucking twitching like a fucking speed freak in the corner lol or like a rabid raccoon because of the freaks around me,, some administration woman said "sometimes you need to force yourself to be comfortable in this type of enviorment" And like not even 10 minutes into class I was yelled at for having my head on the table while my receder teacher blahed about the syllabus,, MORE LIKE SYILLI BUSSNIIINES UWU. Why would I wanna be comfortawble here... full of normies.... in the middle of fweakin bumfuck fuckin egypt...... RAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!! Someone save meh from this place. Oh yea Im typing this while Im hiding in the bathroom during lunch cuz.. ehhh.. people..... interactions.. this is some willowbrook asylum type of shit and I wana go home :<
GAHAAHA WHAT THE FUCK IS CHILDISM??????? Just got accused of whatever-the-fuck-dat-is liek at this point ive just been accused of every ism in the book,, and Im struggling to understand this new world of isms which libbies call just "a binary side effect" ITS NAUGHT MY FAULTIE IM A GRAMMATICAL PURIST! YOUR WORDS DONT MKE ANY SENSE.. kek does that mean Im anti-children? UMM if thats the case then yes but not like in a literal sense,, :sigh: thats a whole other story. The whole efilism shmeel used to be my thing and I was "AnTi sEx" for a bit but I think I am unconciously trying to black out that whole period of my life so I dun wanna interrupt :3 I was walking home today and started recording myself and I made liek a 28 min podcast of me taling about D R E A M S and D I S I R E S heres a transcript of a pawt: "Um I dunno.. I dont really like when people lie to me.. ya know when people say to me "Aiye care about your future!!! uwu" But.. you... dont care about me, AT ALL or what my brain wants to do with what it has,, and what it tells me,, becuse when I do its "scary" to you.. and not in the sense like boo ahh ya know its more just.. you dont like what I do because it doesnt align with YOUR specific values.. and.. its not fair. Just because my dreams are different than yours doesnt mean theyre unimportant. And its not even that I care if you care or not about caring for me,, just.. dont lie! It,, upsets me. It really upsets me. "I caRe AbOuT yOuR drweAMs" ahaha.. I dont even think I want my dreams near you at all... I just want my dreams sprayed all over the walls.. not around you.. and your disgusting classic fragil egos.. I cant even keep myself safe from you all anymore!" wink. wink. nudge. nudge. Anywhoozles I have to put down my cellular divice and go into slumber because I HAVE FLIPPIN GAY RETARD FEEB INFESTED SCHOOL TWOMORROW. In, 2 hours. Kek.
Its comical how the girls who r like "meooow... I fit da pyschopath femcel phenotype :3.. oopsies!" are just like average looking spakka women + glasses, GAHAHA and that doesnt make you different or even prettyish whatsoever that just makes you screwloose you fuckin cunt. Its like theyre collared to a ugly fucking neckbeard like a blind fuckin dog on hein legs, like.. theyre whole shmeelish aesthetic is built around being a pleasing side piece (for a poor settler..) in exchange for petty change (not even rupees kek) BECAUSE THATS WHAT ESCORTING IS BEAKY! You think selling keyboard warrior burlesque side piecing instead of being a soft spoken submissive main wife (which honestly is worst so idk) means youre somehow free? Your collar is the same as the ring posting the occasional "I haaayte men" on an account for mens coom where you routinely post real anti woman sentiments while actively demonstrating absolute compassion to men alone doesnt make uou any different from someone like shoeonhead at the end of the day. You seek male validation like the bAby SicK YOU LOOOOOVE NAWING ON!!! Its pathetic no matter how you swing it.
Urgh.. everything I write is so shallow.. superficial. Cant anyone see through my work? Its inherent phoniness?.. Rape at 11? Rape at 12..?? What the hell do I know about rape.. Ive never been raped!!! Im just another sorted exploitatonist. Urgh,, IF ONLY I had been raped as a child, then I would know authenticity.. but instead.. AURGHHHH!!!! IM NO GOOD!! NO GOOD!! ZERO!!! I SHOULD COME FIRST. Dats why me and liam have a suicide pact~ UwU. till death do us apawt amirite. Ever since I even knew what the words true wove meant I waited for the day a human would find me and save meh from this eternal doom... save me from this BIBLICAL RAPTURE. FUN FACT! I have never dated someone I WANTED to be with.. 80% of them emotionally coerced me into a relationship. But.. that was before I thought rationally nawt emotionally!!! I want to be your lifeline.. I dont want to be a phase.. just another luver.. I want to be your everything..